Share this:

I’ve decided to do something a little different today. I was reading columns on The Frisky, this website I hate in that “I absolutely despise the way you represent women as man-obsessed airheads, but please let me write for you one day” kind of way. Anyway, I came across an article that I liked however, I thought it needed a little tweaking for the 20-some-odd people who stumble upon my blog each day. So today I’m playing editor, except without the salary, benefits, staff meetings where we sit around without our shoes on, and the late-night brainstorming sessions where we pretend we’re not hungry and really don’t want to order pizza.   Without all those extras that make someone “professional,”  I hope that my edited list is little more honest.  You be the judge.

22 Things We’ll Teach Our Sons About Women And Relationships
by Annika Harris and Cardboard Baby

We’re not mothers yet, but we’re almost at a point in our lives when we’re thinking about our future families. We know an awful lot about women and how to treat and please ‘em, so we plan to pass that knowledge down to our sons. We hope to rid the male sex of all the things that make us rant by raising boys with balanced male and a female perspectives. Check out the list after the jump, then leave your lessons in the comments.

Note: This is the image used in orginal publication. So please, imagine yourself teaching your 4 year old son these lessons.

What Our Sons Should Know About Women

1. Pick your battles.
2. Going down is more intimate better than sex, but it shouldn’t be scary.
3. Walk on the outside (closer to the street) of your female companion if you were born in the 1890s. If not, just hold her hand when you walk.
4. Saying “You’re being crazy” is never an appropriate response, unless you want her to go postal on you.
5. Cooking, cleaning, and taking care of kids are things men can actually do  as well as women. adequately and we women will tolerate you doing when we need a rest.
6. Keep backup supplies of quality chocolate in the house for when she’s on the rag. -ALWAYS.
7. Buying tampons and other feminine products shouldn’t embarrass you—everyone knows they’re not for you.  In fact, it tells everyone in the store that you have a woman and you are in fact “getting some.”
8. Women like compliments and gifts and snuggling.
9. Earning less than her shouldn’t be emasculating.
9a. Define the word “emasculating” for your son.
10. Your legs really don’t need to be open that wide. This applies to both a) when you’re going commando and b) when you’re in the bedroom.
10a.  Never be more flexible than your woman in the bedroom, that is creepy.
11. Be on time, even if she usually isn’t. This is a good rule for both genders.
12. Don’t be a pouty puppy when shopping with her.
12a. Define pouty puppy. Then never use that phrase again when trying to enlighten your son on the complexities of women.
13. She should never be able to control you with sex. However, she should be allowed some control during sex.
14. Find out what her favorite flower is. and buy it for her
15. If you like her, then don’t buy her shoes; it’s bad luck. (Cardboard Baby Sidebar: WHAT?! )
16. Smiling and nodding aren’t the same as listening.
16a.  Women often repeat things because we feel that smiling and nodding aren’t the same as listening. Did you hear me son?
17. Skid marks aren’t sexy or hygienic. (This should never have to be stated out loud.  I file it under “given.”)
18. It’s OK to cry in front of her, but keep the blubbering to a minimum.
19. Personality goes a long way.  It might take longer for her to date you based purely on your personality, but once she does it really goes a long way.
20. At some point she’ll be more important than your mother.
21. You will never completely understand women because we change our minds all the time.  Including the things we’d like to put on this list.
22. Oh yeah, and no woman will ever be good enough for my baby!

Advertisement