Step 1:  Have two people fall in love in a short amount of time.  Preferably this is a number of weeks you can count on one hand.

Step 2: Decide that one character is dieing, about to die, or has a dead memory.

Step 3:  Have someone write a super sappy love letter.

Step 4:  Sell it to Hollywood so they’ll make a movie.  Then sit back watch women everywhere cry, walk out, or write a blog mocking your novel.

When you’re done your novel should look like this:

Ughhhhh.....Really?!

These are the songs that when they play on my iPod make me realize I’m alone…they then make me wonder why I have them on my running mix at the gym.

I placed rules on myself when trying to pick the best ten.
#1) Nothing “classic.”  As much as I love Sinatra and Buble, I couldn’t bring myself to have any romantic attachment to a style of music that reminds me of my father.
#2)  It can’t be a “Wedding Song” one that make all my engaged friends go, “Oh maybe I’ll have my first dance to this.” NO!  Those songs did not make my list.
#3)  Nothing I loved during high school could make the list (Nsync and John Mayer I’m looking at you).
#4)  They had to make me think about someone else.  The trend of the list indicates that pianos make me think about former loves.
#5)  I could only pick 10.  So here they are, the Top Ten Songs that Make You Realize You’re Alone.

Well those are the rules so download these songs to your iPod, build a fire, curl up under a blanket, grab some Ben and Jerry’s and press play.

Top Ten Songs That Make You Realize You’re Alone

1. Gardenia, Mandy Moore
   Best Lyric: Doing all the Things I’ve neglected, Traded them all to be in your arms.
2. Songbird, Eva Cassidy
   Best Lyric:  Cause I feel that when I’m with you, It’s alright, I know it’s right.
3. 9 Crimes, Damien Rice
   Best Lyric:  Its the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you.
4. A Simple Twist of Fate, The Format cover of Bob Dylan
   Best Lryic:  Maybe she’ll pick him out again, how long must he wait, once more for a simple twist of fate.
5. Wasteland, Matt White
   Best Lyric:  All Alone, where are you, are we over?
6. Fear You Wont Fall, Josh Radin
   Best Lryic:  I know it’s easy to say, but it’s harder to feel this way.
7. Miss Me, Joe Purdy
   Best Lyric:  I guess something don’t work out like they should.
8. By Your Side, Sade
   Best Lyric:  Oh when you’re cold, I’ll be there to hold you tight
9. Sad Eyes, Josh Rouse
   Best Lyric:  You’re staying out till late ’cause it was what your husband hated
10. Feels Like Home, Chantal Kreviazuk
    Best Lyric: Well if you knew how much this moment means to me and how long I’ve waited for your touch.

Nothing like a blog with two numbered lists.  Awesome.

PS- feel free to debate me or add your own.

I’ve decided to do something a little different today. I was reading columns on The Frisky, this website I hate in that “I absolutely despise the way you represent women as man-obsessed airheads, but please let me write for you one day” kind of way. Anyway, I came across an article that I liked however, I thought it needed a little tweaking for the 20-some-odd people who stumble upon my blog each day. So today I’m playing editor, except without the salary, benefits, staff meetings where we sit around without our shoes on, and the late-night brainstorming sessions where we pretend we’re not hungry and really don’t want to order pizza.   Without all those extras that make someone “professional,”  I hope that my edited list is little more honest.  You be the judge.

22 Things We’ll Teach Our Sons About Women And Relationships
by Annika Harris and Cardboard Baby

We’re not mothers yet, but we’re almost at a point in our lives when we’re thinking about our future families. We know an awful lot about women and how to treat and please ‘em, so we plan to pass that knowledge down to our sons. We hope to rid the male sex of all the things that make us rant by raising boys with balanced male and a female perspectives. Check out the list after the jump, then leave your lessons in the comments.

Note: This is the image used in orginal publication. So please, imagine yourself teaching your 4 year old son these lessons.

What Our Sons Should Know About Women

1. Pick your battles.
2. Going down is more intimate better than sex, but it shouldn’t be scary.
3. Walk on the outside (closer to the street) of your female companion if you were born in the 1890s. If not, just hold her hand when you walk.
4. Saying “You’re being crazy” is never an appropriate response, unless you want her to go postal on you.
5. Cooking, cleaning, and taking care of kids are things men can actually do  as well as women. adequately and we women will tolerate you doing when we need a rest.
6. Keep backup supplies of quality chocolate in the house for when she’s on the rag. -ALWAYS.
7. Buying tampons and other feminine products shouldn’t embarrass you—everyone knows they’re not for you.  In fact, it tells everyone in the store that you have a woman and you are in fact “getting some.”
8. Women like compliments and gifts and snuggling.
9. Earning less than her shouldn’t be emasculating.
9a. Define the word “emasculating” for your son.
10. Your legs really don’t need to be open that wide. This applies to both a) when you’re going commando and b) when you’re in the bedroom.
10a.  Never be more flexible than your woman in the bedroom, that is creepy.
11. Be on time, even if she usually isn’t. This is a good rule for both genders.
12. Don’t be a pouty puppy when shopping with her.
12a. Define pouty puppy. Then never use that phrase again when trying to enlighten your son on the complexities of women.
13. She should never be able to control you with sex. However, she should be allowed some control during sex.
14. Find out what her favorite flower is. and buy it for her
15. If you like her, then don’t buy her shoes; it’s bad luck. (Cardboard Baby Sidebar: WHAT?! )
16. Smiling and nodding aren’t the same as listening.
16a.  Women often repeat things because we feel that smiling and nodding aren’t the same as listening. Did you hear me son?
17. Skid marks aren’t sexy or hygienic. (This should never have to be stated out loud.  I file it under “given.”)
18. It’s OK to cry in front of her, but keep the blubbering to a minimum.
19. Personality goes a long way.  It might take longer for her to date you based purely on your personality, but once she does it really goes a long way.
20. At some point she’ll be more important than your mother.
21. You will never completely understand women because we change our minds all the time.  Including the things we’d like to put on this list.
22. Oh yeah, and no woman will ever be good enough for my baby!

My love, my current boyfriend, and the very thing that motivates me in this world.

I signed my life away for cake.

I signed the ability to wake up in the morning without being sore for cake.

I signed my livelihood, and by this I mean the ability of me to walk around in public without looking disheveled, sweaty, and tired away for cake.

I signed up to burn 35000 calories in 100 days- that’s 10 pounds of body fat- and I did it all so I can eat cake.

I blame my “gym” and I put “gym” in quotation marks because it’s the place I work at and never the place I work out at.  However, this changed the last week in September when  they announced the big “Burn 35000 calories in 100 days campaign.”  The slogan, ‘Start the New Year off with a Different Resolution’ hit me so hard I almost dropped my cupcake.  It was like the intimidating chart they put up to track your calories knew me.  It knew that come January my resolution would have been “lose 10 pounds.”

“Make your 2010 Resolution be to read more!”

It knew that I feared going home over the holidays, leaving, and having people say behind my back, “Well, she really got fat.”

“You’ll work off eggnog as you drink it.”

It knew that I liked to eat cake.

“Put down the cupcake and work out.”

I signed up immediately, leaving a hunk of chocolate frosting next to my scribbled name.  The surprising thiing is that thus far, I’m doing it.  From October 1- January 8, I need to burn 35000 calories.  Now I go to work, I workout, and write my calories on a giant public board that holds me accountable in that “if you don’t do this, everyone will see a giant blank space after your name” type of way.

Right now, I’m 750 calories in, 95 days to go, and I’m saving that hunk of frosting by my name for when I finish.

You should join me.  It will be fantastic.  Keep track of your calories and burn 10 pounds of body fat by January 8th.  I offer my blog as a calorie log.  We can do it, just find something that motivates you: a healthy lifestyle, the desire to change, or simply weight loss.    For me, I just want to eat cake.

On September 13, 2009 U2′s tour came through Chicago. This is a summary and review of the show by cardboard baby:

60 year old men from Europe play hipster music from the early 1990s and tell Americans why the United States is horrible and ruining the world. Tickets were overpriced and Bono wore sunglasses.*

Imagine a picture of Bono Here. We at CardboardBaby cannot bring ourselves to actually put a picture on Bono on our bolg.

*Note: Author never attended U2 concert but is basing review of off what she imagines a U2 concert to be like. Feedback suggests that this review/summary is spot on.